To prompt or not to prompt

Prompting without nagging the child can be tricky during the potty training process. When you ask a 3 year old if they want to stop playing to pee, of course they will say “NO!”. A prompt should always be a statement, choice, or challenge.

Here are some examples of what those prompts can look like:

Statement:

It’s time to pee.

Choice:

Do you want to pee first or second?

Challenge:

I bet you can’t beat me to the potty.

Resistance most often occurs when you are prompting too much. The child feels bugged and resists the parent more than the potty.

By this time you probably have an idea of when the child will need to go, or you know their cues very well. When you prompt, prompt with as little oomph as possible. “ I can see you have to pee. There’s your potty.” Then walk away.

Leave the child room to make a good choice.

When there’s not much energy behind it, there’s not much to resist.

A way to help if you have fallen into the pits of nagging is to prompt at natural transitions, such as before leaving (anywhere), upon arriving (anywhere), before beginning an activity, and before/after sitting for an extended time.

Another tool is the cluster prompt. This is where you can lump the potty directive in with other directions, for example, “It’s time for dinner. Let’s go to the potty and wash hands before we eat.” Lumping in “go potty” with other tasks allows for the bathroom to move into the category of things you just do and become part of the routine.

It’s also okay to hold off an activity until they go to the bathroom if you know they have to go. Such as, “Absolutely! We can go to the park after you pee. Do you want to go first or second?”

Be wary. If you find yourself saying “IF” as in, “if you go potty we can xyz”, you have slipped into bribery, which can result in insane power struggles.